So after some thought, I just wanted to put down my feelings on Taylor's delivery and then let it go.
After I had Colton I wished I had tried harder at going all natural instead of getting the epidural. I'm not sure why, but
I have always been hard on myself...thinking "I could have done more" or "I could have done better". So I felt like I let myself down.
When I found out I was pregnant with Taylor, I instantly thought "I'm going to do it this time" and waited until I was about 5 months pregnant to tell Kraig my plan. He looked at me with the "you are crazy" look and then said "I will support whatever you want, however I don't think this is the best way to go. We have had 2 great deliveries with epidurals that were very laid back and enjoyable so why mess with it? You don't get a medal for doing it all natural and you don't have to be a hero." I told him that I just wanted to do it for myself so it was something I was thinking about. We didn't really talk about it much the next 4 months because I knew he didn't agree with me. I didn't tell many people my thoughts because most people thought I was crazy for even considering it. When I went into labor with Taylor I told the nurse I didn't want an epidural because I wanted to feel like I was in labor and feel as much as I could (since I felt like I was basically being induced). The nurse said "why do you want to suffer" and Kraig and Dr Reiter both suggested I get an epidural. I held off for a while, but then once my water was broken I quickly realized I WAS NOT IN CONTROL and for those that know me well, know
I like to be the one in control (of myself anyway). So I didn't like that feeling.
When the contractions got back to back with NO break the only thing I could do was breath through them with my eyes shut. I no longer cared or knew who was in the room because the only thing I was concentrating on was getting through my contractions. I didn't like this feeling as I felt like my body was in control vs. me being in control of my body. The one thing I was really concerned with before I went into labor was tearing or hurting the bottom area as I had a WONDERFUL recovery with Colton and just wanted the same recovery with Taylor. I talked to my Dr during my last month of pregnancy about the % of people that tear/hurt their bottom area when then don't get an epidural and he said that most people do tear because when he asks them to push they can't hold back and their push is so hard that they go too fast and tear. This was one thing I did not want! So when Taylor's birth came, I honestly can say I think it was the PERFECT birth! Why you ask?
- I got to feel the non-stop contractions which helped me experience labor.
- I also got to feel part of the delivery since the epidural didn't take 100% on my right side.
- The most important part, was I was able to focus on the actual miracle of birth rather than focus on just making it through the next contraction.
- Also my fear of tearing never became a reality because of the epidural. I was able to slowly deliver Taylor which made for the easiest recovery out of all 3 kids. Honestly the hardest part of recovery was the first 2 weeks of nursing...that hurt but now that the 2 weeks is up I'm golden and it doesn't hurt anymore.
Another part of the epidural vs. natural thing was most of the women I have talked to that went all natural either did it because their labor was so fast they had not choice (but wanted one if they had time) or they were women who are afraid of needles. I myself have never been afraid of needles so this was never a thought in my head. The other thing is delivery is only 1 day in my lifetime and there are other things I can be competitive with myself on that will take more prep, etc (i.e. my half marathon last April and probably another half or full marathon in the future). For those of you that have done it without an epidural more power to you...but it was not for me! I'm too much of a control freak. :-)
So thank you God for answering my prayer and knowing exactly what I needed. Thank You for letting me feel just enough of the labor/delivery that I was happy with the delivery! And most of all, thank you God for giving us such a precious baby GIRL! I'm sure you were laughing at me the whole 9 months I was calling Taylor a boy! You knew just what I needed/wanted (as you always do) as she was the biggest and best surprise I have every received!
